I Can't Help It
by Elijah Blackwood
Summary: I kissed Kat, she said it made her cheek cold. I kissed her as a human, thanks to her mom, and she seemed so happy. What am I doing wrong? I can't help it that I'm dead. Casper Narrates. Oneshot.


**_Summary:_**

**_I kissed Kat, she said it made her cheek cold. I kissed her as a human, thanks to her mom, and she seemed so happy. What am I doing wrong? I can't help it that I'm dead._**

**XxX Casper X Kat XxX**

I floated next to the window, staring out at the lighthouse. The beacon of light turned slowly as Kat slept soundly on my- _her_ bed. The Halloween party was a few months ago. As soon as the Trio found out about Kat using my father's lab, they were furious. They made me board up the entryway and cut off any technology that would lead her down there. I was honestly glad of that, it would make her life better to not remember her dad dead but brought back. I still went down there, they didn't mind, it was my father's lab, after all.

I flew out to the lighthouse and sat at the top. I vaguely remember sitting here when I was alive, climbing up the thousands of stairs and climbing up onto the roof. I look out onto the water as the waves crash onto each other. I remember the one thing that will never leave my mind as long as I roam endlessly._ 'Can I keep you?'_ I said that, and she said_ 'Mhmm'_ sleepily._ Does it even really count? And, if it did, why won't she look at me like she did at Vic, that jerk who played with her feelings?_ She smiled softly, a smile resembling her mother's, laughed nervously, a beautiful sound, and her eyes sparkled, like diamonds. _Why can't she look at me that way? I can't take this._

I fly under the water and go straight into the depths of the lab, the lights are all on,_ just how I left it_. I pick up clothes hanging off the side of his table. I had cleaned and organized the entire lab while Kat went to school. Vic and his sister weren't there anymore, their outburst led them to expulsion and homeschooling. So Kat had a simple school life now, no one asked to come over- _for good reason_- but they still talked to her at school. She convinced them that everything that happened that night was staged, _including me_.

I set the clothes back down and bring up the Lazarus. I worked on the gears and made it rise silently. _Can't wake up anyone, now, can I?_ Looking at the empty vials, I notice one on the left, it has about 2 inches of red fluid. I feel a weight on my back, _there's still some left._ Remembering what I'd said, the day I sacrificed my mortality for her father's, _'Only enough for one.'_ and_ 'It's the way it has to be.'_ It was true,_ but not anymore_. The vial we had used was empty now. So were the others. But this one had some in it. _This is my only hope._

I flew off to the house of Dibbs, the one who barely survived. He landed in the water and somehow survived with only a few scrapes and bruises. He didn't live in luxury, like he dreamed, but he was alive. That's all he cared about. He changed, due to his near-death experience. He had a degree in chemical sciences and he's the only one who knows about the vials._ The perfect person to help me_. I flew in at the crack of dawn, 5 am. He was awake, looking over, what looked like, scientific research. "Ghost." he said rawly, flipping the page. "I need your help. It's about the vials." He visibly stiffend and turned to look at me. "What is it, Casper?" "I found a small amount of it. I need you to duplicate it. But only for me." He nods, no one would believe him and I'm the only one with a machine. Plus, he knows I could have let my uncles kill him when they found him alive, but I stopped them. And,_ luckily_, he feels he owes me for that.

I hand him the vial and a genuine smile cracks his features, "A perfect amount for testing. Give me a week." I smiled and let my hand hover over his shoulder, "Thank you. This means the world to me." He nodded and I flew back to the house, arriving at 7 am. Dr. Harvey held out the phone to me, "A Mr. Kyle, for you, Casper." I nodded, taking the phone, Dr. Harvey was surprised that I had a call, but must have suspected it to, somehow, be another ghost.

"Kyle." I said with a smile. "Dibbs." he said his name, correcting me. He _hated_ being called by his first name. "So, what is the status report?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. _Anyone could be listening_. He caught on and said quietly, "Well, it'll be easier than I thought, creation-wise. But finding the materials are a different story." I sighed, I knew this would happen. "Give me a list." I uttered, hanging up the phone. I heard someone running down the stairs, Kat. Probably headed to school. I didn't have to make breakfast for her because she ran out the door without a passing glance. _Typical Kathleen. Always in a hurry._

I went into the kitchen to meet Dr. Harvey, he was drinking coffee calmly at the table. I hovered next to him. "Have a good day at work, Dr. Harvey." He nodded, "Everyday seems calm now that I'm back to the old routine." He got up and got to his car, going to drive to town and work. He works at a normal psychiatric complex now. Back to _non-paranormal_ psychiatry. I pick up the dishes and had just finished washing them with a sponge when Uncle Stinky floats in through the door. "Hey, Casper, where did you go this morning? I went to go show ya' a new floorplan for the house renovation and only Kitty was in there." "Kat." I corrected. "Right." He hovered, sitting on the table.

"I went to see an old friend." He knew that was only half the truth but smiled and patted my shoulder. "Okay, kid. Me and Fat Solo and Stretchmarks are going to Ireland to go haunt a castle. We'll be back in a couple days , okay?" I nodded, used to his nicknames for his brothers. They left a lot, and they weren't as mean as they used to be, so I didn't complain. He went upstairs and they grabbed their suitcases saying in sync, "Bye, Casper!"_ Uncle Fatso_, "Bye, Kid!" _Uncle Stinky_, "Bye, Twerp!" and, _**Dear**_, _Uncle Stretch_.

I floated around for a while, waiting for Dibbs to call. At about 1 pm, he finally did. "I'm faxing the list. Be careful." Then he hung up. Surprisingly, this statement didn't worry me. The phone/printer/fax/scanner machine I was using then printed out a list onto a sheet of paper and it fell to the floor. Picking it up, I scanned over the list.

_**Concoction**_

_**15% Philosopher's Stone (may be a well-made duplicate or the original)**_

_**30% Grounded feathers of a Crow**_

_**20% Limestone deposits**_

_**30% Flesh of a Raven**_

_**05% Blood of Casper McFadden**_

I felt my involuntary breaths stop,_ blood from my human body? My dad used my blood to create the sirum? The only way he'd have access to that would be... Oh, God, no._ I called Dibbs. "All the ingredients are stored here somewhere. Come over as soon as you can." He got here around 2 pm._ He can drive faster than I can float._ He came in with a old doctor-styled briefcase and a sad smile. I led him down into the old passageway, and showed him a small opening. He followed behind me, crawling through. When we got to the other side, the Lab, he smiled. "I like what you've done with the place." I smiled, leading him to the work table. "Set things up here. I'll find everything." He nodded, taking out a burner and some beakers and test tubes. I saw a flash of a memory as I ran my hand in front of the walls. _In the safe, under my treasure. It has to be there._

I went into the safe and under the platform and I saw it. _My body._ I opened the door from the inside and looked at Dibbs as he stared at me. "Remove the platform, it's all there." He nodded and I added softly, "I have to leave you down here to finish. How long will it take?" He smiled weakly, "Today's Monday, so, Friday." I frown, "3 days?" He nodded solemnly. I say an 'okay' and leave him some food as he removes the shelf, picking up my body and laying it on the table, along with the other ingredients. After I look at my body, I felt like crying. _I hadn't looked in a mirror when Amelia turned me human. I knew, since I still had ghostly abilities, I wouldn't have a reflection_. I knew I couldn't cry, but I could feel it. My lips were blue and my skin was a sickly pale. Worse, there was a small smile on my face._ If I could throw up, I would._ I flew out without as much as a goodbye and curled up on my bed like a cat until I fell asleep.

The next day, _the first day_, I just slept or roamed the house. _Avoiding everyone. _Kat didn't seem to notice and Dr. Harvey was busy, so I didn't blame him. As soon as the sun began to set, I sat on the lighthouse roof and stayed there until noon the next day. Staring out at the water and it's reflection. Which I'd never seen myself in,_ not once, since I was alive._

The second day, I thought about every thing that could go wrong. _There was a lot._ I paced. Hovering in circles around the top of the lighthouse. I made sure I was invisible the whole time or things would get complicated worse than they were already. I stayed there until daybreak the next day, then decided to visit Dibbs. He had bags under his eyes and he looked immensely tired._ Almost like a walking corpse, though I have no place to say._

The last day, I roamed the lab as Dibbs worked. I watched him occasionally, thinking about what things would be like if I were alive. It was a pleasant thought but I still had to wait until tomorrow to hear results. Eventually, I sat on the bench and stared at my body. I touched it, and though I had no feeling, _I could imagine the smoothness of having the wind blow through the trees and against my face._

I woke up from laying my head next to my body and looked at Dibb's watch as he finished pouring the liquid into the container._ 7pm._ He sets it in place in the Lazarus and I show him how to maneuver it. As soon as he's sure he knows what he's doing, I go in and sit on the metal bench, hovering. As soon as everything turns on, I begin to lower onto the seat and my head feels weighted. Then I see air escape my mouth._ This used to happen when I got cold._ I feel myself shiver. Then I look down as I see pale, dexterous fingers._ I'm turning human!_ I see the door open and I walk out, still feeling a bit cold.

Dibbs laughs a bit. "You should put clothes on." I look down._ He's right._ I walk over to my clothes from the party and put them on, going upstairs. He follows close behind and I sneak him out the back door. Going towards the living room, I hear music._ Right, Kat mentioned something about a Masquerade Christmas Party._ Looking around, I notice a white mask on the floor and put it on. Walking towards the middle, I notice Kat is sitting alone so her friends can dance with their dates. I hold out my hand to her and it's just like a few months ago. We walk into the middle of the floor and I pull her close. I whisper to her, "Where's your mask?" She smiles a bit, "There's someone I want to recognize me." I took off my mask and smiled, "I hope you mean me." Her smile got huge. "Casper! How?" I smile, "I know a guy." Then leaning down, I kissed her softly.

**=The Beginning=**

**Kinda crappy but this is the longest oneshot, or chapter, I've ever written. I'm kinda proud of it. Including breaks, I wrote this in three hours, lol. Anyway, I would love reviews, thanks.**

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**And this is the end, I just put 'The Beginning' because I don't believe in endings. ;) **


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